Funny Metaphor And Simile Contest: So Bad, They’re Good!

by | Jun 18, 2009 | Uncategorized | 90 comments

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Short Prose and Poetry ONLY!

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Deadline: THURSDAY, July 14th

Thank you for this great list of funny metaphors and similes below (in the comments section)! THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED! Any entries received from this point forward will not be counted toward the contest. We’ll be announcing the winners very soon! Keep an eye out!

 

At Writer’s Relief we read a lot of metaphors and similes in poetry and prose, and we have to admit, we sometimes love bad and funny ones as much as we love good ones. We’ve decided to hold a contest to celebrate bad and funny metaphors and similes. We want to make a great list of funny metaphors, extended metaphors, and bad metaphor examples. Include your bad similes as well! We hope you’ll add to our metaphor and simile list.

One winner will get a FREE Writer’s Relief T-shirt of his or her choice!

The worse your metaphor or simile, the better!

To enter your bad or funny metaphor or simile, simply submit your metaphor or simile in the comments area below. Do NOT e-mail your entry. It MUST be posted as a comment. If you win, we’ll contact you using the e-mail address that you enter in the blog comment form.

Here are a few examples of bad and funny metaphors and similes to get you going:

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

The toddlers looked at each other as if they had just been told their mutual funds had taken a complete nosedive.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She was a couch potato in the gravy boat of life, flopping dejectedly on the sofa.

It will take a big tractor to plow the fertile fields of his mind.

See how fun that is? Do your worst. We can’t wait to read your bad and funny metaphors!

The Difference Between Metaphors And Similes

Metaphors and similes are often confused. The definition of a metaphor is (loosely) a figure of speech that suggests an analogy between objects or ideas. Metaphor example: He was a fish out of water.

The definition of a simile is a figure of speech that compares two unlike things, usually preceded by “like” or “as.” Simile example: She swims like a fish.

Common Metaphor Mistakes To Avoid
(aka Hints To Help You Write A Bad Or Funny Metaphor)

We’ve compiled a list of three major problems in metaphor construction:

1. Mixed Metaphor. This is a metaphor that contains completely unrelated comparisons.

Suddenly, she was pinned by the spotlight, a struggling fish caught in a spider’s web.

Or this, from Tom Wolfe’s Bonfire of the Vanities: All at once he was alone in this noisy hive with no place to roost.

2. Inappropriate Analogies. If you’re writing about a European woman in the 1700s, don’t say, Her eyes held the glow of a late-night laptop.

And watch out for comparisons that give the wrong mental image: The beautiful child was the center of attention, with his golden curls and tuna fish complexion.

3. Clichés. Certain metaphors have simply been done to death and, as a result, have lost their power completely. The trouble is that they’re so much a part of our everyday conversation, they tend to slip through the cracks.

Even though the job paid peanuts, Joe was pleased as punch because he had gone through hell and back, keeping a firm grip on reality the whole time, and was finally seeing his dream come to life.

Metaphors are useful figures of speech—they enliven our speech and our writing, bringing more depth and complexity to the table. If you master the art of metaphors, you can consider yourself a genius. Aristotle says so in Poetics: It is “a sign of genius, as a good metaphor implies an intuitive perception of the similarity of dissimilars.” We’re looking forward to making a list with your examples of bad metaphors.

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Writer’s Relief is an author’s submission service (we help writers submit their books, novels, stories, essays, and poems for publication). For more information, visit http://www.WritersRelief.com.

90 Comments

  1. Kathryn

    Take that ball and roll with it!

    Reply
  2. Kathryn

    Let me run this around you.

    Reply
  3. Kathryn

    We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.

    Reply
  4. Kathryn

    It’s a tough road to hoe.

    Reply
  5. Kathryn

    Take that to the bank and smoke it!

    Reply
  6. Rebecca Ashcraft

    Gunfire erupted more suddenly than a bag of Jiffy Pop at a wiener roast in Hell.

    Reply
  7. Patricia Harrington

    He stared,with hatred, cold and deadly, like a bat from hell.

    He sat down heavily, like a Mack truck dumping a load.

    Her dress fit her body, like a yellow line curving around a mountain highway.

    Well, that was fun!

    Pat Harrington

    Reply
  8. Rebecca Ashcraft

    Her eyes flashed with all the excitement of a pig sneaking into a fat farm.

    Reply
  9. Catherine Rust

    "So I just laid all my eggs on the table…"

    Reply
  10. Rebecca Ashcraft

    She felt her maternal instincts rise up like a two-headed shark facing down a runaway grocery cart.

    Reply
  11. Carmen VonTickneer

    His temper brewed like a hot cup of coffee.

    Reply
  12. Robert Robeson

    She was an enchantress with more curves than a roller coaster who wore a leopard-skin mini-skirt that stuck to her voluptuous body like shrink-wrap to a rump roast.

    Reply
  13. Ellouise Pritchett

    Cottonwood blossoms hazed the air and littered the ground like dead fleas.

    Reply
  14. kerry michael wood

    Her singing voice was bluer than the toes of a barefoot field goal kicker.

    Reply
  15. Chuck White

    There were so many piercings in his face it looked like he’d been in an argument with a nail gun–and lost.

    Her two front teeth looked like a couple of Chiclets that weren’t on speaking terms.

    Reply
  16. Barry

    His touch was as delicate as that of a welding robot.

    Reply
  17. Rebecca Ashcraft

    Her laugh was almost as soft as his lips were chapped.

    Reply
  18. Alitta Kullman

    She enjoyed eating crow as much as he enjoyed shooting it.

    Reply
  19. jsholmeg

    His writing was like nineteenth
    century poetry-in-motion
    As if in a mule-drawn carriage!

    Reply
  20. Nat Williams

    His kiss burned her lips like a painful bowel movement
    following a hot night in Tijuana.

    Reply
  21. VernHarden

    6/19/09

    He was a super man, soaring powerfully through life, anchored firmly by his umbilical cord.

    Reply
  22. mary huntington

    His phiosophy for life was to roll with the punches, resisting every wave of adversity the world would throw at him.

    Reply
  23. cpp

    Even with a broken wing, flight can take place with a bit of light.

    Reply
  24. Dennis Leppanen

    His teeth looked like an unpainted picket fence with some of the boards rotting…

    Reply
  25. Jan Feighner

    The dog growled eerily in tune with his empty stomach.

    Reply
  26. Margaret Garside

    The moon sat in the sky like a huge throbbing whitehead on an Ethiope’s cheek, ripe with pus, juat waiting for two gaint fingernails to come along and pop it.

    Reply
  27. Rebecca Ashcraft

    His words pierced her heart like gale-force wind-driven trash through the walls of a circus tent.

    Reply
  28. Rebecca Ashcraft

    The new baby’s hair stuck out like tiny daggers trapped in a frightened bathing cap.

    Reply
  29. Dan Rose

    Her dress left little room for imagination — or lunch.

    Reply
  30. Dan Rose

    He was such a slow reader, he had to buy extra ChapStick to get through a Russian novel.

    Reply
  31. Rebecca Ashcraft

    A full moon, as heavy as an udder in need of milking, grazed the tops of the trees.

    Reply
  32. Rebecca Ashcraft

    Tropical warmth engulfed the honeymooners like the hot, humid breath of a preacher.

    Reply
  33. Jodi Beck

    The two pups bolted at high speed, like shoppers at a blue-light special.

    She was torn as she stood between the two. One strong, supportive and caring; the other sweet and seductive. Her resolve melted as she ran towards the Hot light at Krispy Kreme, leaving Weight Watchers behind forever.

    Some people are built like Yorkshire terriers. Tiny, small-boned and petite. She was more of a Bichon. Short, stocky and low to the ground with a little fuzz on top.

    Love is like a roller coaster. There are ups, downs, and sometimes it just makes you sick!

    They cry, they whine, they need fed, coaxed and coddled. Men!

    He grabbed her and said, "Look me in the eye and tell me you love me!" As she had crossed eyes, he didn’t know what to believe.

    If life is like a box of chocolates, then why am I always getting the pits?

    Reply
  34. Jennifer Ackerman

    Her long locks of rich freshly brewed coffee poured over her shoulders and her robin egg eyes were hatching a plan.

    Reply
  35. Karen Roberts

    He sucked down the beer like a Wet-Vac in a puddle of dirty water.

    The night smacked him in the face like the nose of a playful black lab.

    Reply
  36. elizabeth burger

    She shone as brightly as a mis-aimed headlight in the side view mirror of a Hyundai.

    Reply
  37. Jacqueline agweh

    He showed off his yellowed teeth as though the bits of meat stuck between them were a gourmet meal on a porcelain dish set for a king.

    Reply
  38. joaniebaloney

    Her best writng was as tasteless and awkward as entries in the funny metaphor and simile contest.

    Reply
  39. Kayla Ramoutar

    With a smile as bright as a ray of sun, the little girl ran as fast as a black stallion chasing a butterfly.

    Reply
  40. Danae ayusso

    One day we all fade away like a turd in the rain

    Reply
    • somerandomkid

      You wrote this 14 years ago. How did I stumble across this article? Who knows. All I know is this is the most accurate description of life I have ever heard, and so here I am 14 years later liking your comment.

      Reply
  41. DaShelle Frazier

    Her stomach rolled like an angry sea at chow time!

    Reply
  42. Lloyd Knight

    Milk it to the hilt!

    Reply
  43. Lise Quintana

    MacTodd’s face looked like a Pekingese trying to understand French.

    Reply
  44. Lise Quintana

    Each was wrapped in some sort of weatherproof-looking garment that covered the wearer head to toe in what looked like frog skin. It was the gray-green of mold, as though on their part of the ship had been in a constant squall since setting sail and had not dried out, and as a result they’d gone bad.

    Reply
  45. Lise Quintana

    In deed the old lady was so stolid that Aster would have put it at even money that she had any internal organs whatsoever, let alone that any of them might have been a tender heart.

    Reply
  46. Lise Quintana

    She was the sort of girl who would make not just a wonderful wife, but a more than passable upstairs maid.

    Reply
  47. Alexandra Lohman

    She was fully prepared to suffer in silence, but when he made the crack that she couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn, she decided to go for broke. “Another crack about my weight! Of course. With you, everything is vanity!” she sang in a sweet buzz-saw voice, “But you’ve lost your marbles. It’s just the pot calling the kettle black!” She was truly on a rampage, her mind a hive of industry, as if a hundred bulls had been let loose in the china shop.

    Oh yeah, he was toast – with the jam fallen face-down on the floor.

    Reply
  48. Mark Best

    Her relationship with him as as spoiled as unpasteurized milk left outside in St Louis on a Tuesday in July, and she drank that vile swill with gusto.

    Reply
  49. CJ Van Gieson

    "Let’s roll the dice and order in," she proclaimed, a woman used to living life on the installment plan. At the counter, the words poo-poo platter rolled off her tongue like she had an inside track on takeout, her insouciance reminding me of nothing so much as the smile on a buck naked Wishnik.

    Reply
  50. elysabeth williams

    She was sweating like a whore in church.

    Reply
  51. ed hardy kleidung

    Thanks for sharing this information. This is really cool post.

    ed hardy kleidung

    Reply
  52. kerry michael wood

    She was so skinny she had to jump around in the shower to get wet.

    Reply
  53. joaniebaloney

    As a scientist, Throckmorton was fully aware that, should he ever break wind in the Echo Chamber, he would never hear the end of it.

    (Couldn’t resist)

    Reply
  54. Dartania Thorne

    Her mind swept rapidly through various thoughts as though she had ADHD. She changed her opinions and her mood as though she were Bipolar. She hid behind the two dangly earbuds as though she were Depressed.

    The specialists looking at the case file were about to declare her mentally unfit like a very slight version of Einstein, when they finally looked at her age. She was 15, a freshman in highschool, taking the proffered college classes to save money for when she actually had to pay for the credits.

    His mind was like a slice of swiss cheese. Some of the powder information stayed on, other parts fell through the holes.

    Her mind was like a cut piece, not a slice, of swiss cheese. She caught and stored so much liquid information in the holes, but after that, it just ran off.

    She was so tired as she hit the hay, that she didn’t find the needle until she woke up with and found it embedded in her side.

    He looked up to her as though she was the moon, the stars, and the sun. And it was warrnted, too, as ‘she’ was just a word to describe something that isn’t really a person or animal, like a truck, or a boat, or the sky.

    Her diction does not include the word diction, or the word varied, or the word vocabulary, or the word narrow, or many other words. Therefore I must say that Her words are like, whatever, and stink.

    (In reference to the veteran who had been one of the soldiers testing the nuclear bombs) His left hand was as swollen as his nonexistant legs were before the one burst open and before they cut the other one off.

    The eighth Harry Potter movie was like the seventh Harry Potter movie, but progressed a bit, and for once in movie history requiring undeniably that you watch the previous movie first, rather than explaining everything again in the fashion of series-type movies.

    Good night, all. Hope you’ve had fun reading all these really great posts.

    Reply
  55. bob orton

    only shades of red make up my life

    Reply
  56. Mi West

    As much down as a kid whose toys had fallen into a gully hole.

    Reply
  57. kimmie

    “Busier than a Baghdad brickie ! “

    Reply
  58. kimmie

    The duck stood on the kerb waiting impatiently for a gap in the traffic when a passing chicken stopped to offer advice “I wouldn’t bother” said the chicken, “you will never hear the end of it !”

    Reply
  59. Gwen

    It was like Schrodinger’s cat, or was it?

    Reply
  60. RJ Crawford

    Sally and Jones had never met, like two humming birds who had also, never met.

    Reply
  61. joel

    he got more problems than a math book.

    Reply
  62. Daymon Warren

    He could barely squeeze through the opening. I was akin to a poodle passing a Pepsi can.

    Reply
  63. PEDRO NVAJAS

    The kid was so hungry, his stomach purred like a dog with rabies…

    Reply
  64. genes

    Like a fruit fly stuck in honey he rolled out of bed.

    Reply
  65. Paul

    Boy, you are as sharp as a bowling ball.

    Reply
  66. Bob

    He was as tall as a 6’3″ tree. Jon and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. The lamp just sat there like an inanimate object.

    Reply
  67. confetti_wap

    He was as crestfallen as a crested egret whose crest had fallen off.

    Reply
  68. baccaruda

    I was busier than a one-legged man in an butt-kicking contest.

    Reply
  69. jake

    His eyes were the window to the soul

    Reply
  70. John P

    Useful as a screen door on a submmarine.

    Reply
  71. Carolyn Denton

    Talking to him was as frustrating as eating a hamburger with freshly painted nails.

    Reply
  72. John Highview

    She has more excuses than a pregnant nun.

    Reply
  73. Laurel

    She was so far behind, she thought she was first.

    Reply
  74. Chimfwembe

    He ran as fast as Usain Bolt on steroids being chased by a hungry lion.

    Reply
  75. JBK

    He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
    It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

    Reply
  76. Clint

    Busy as a cat trying to cover poop on a tin roof.

    Reply
  77. Kymberley Paige

    She thought she had gained weight as in the shower it now took her 30 mins to get her feet wet.

    Reply
  78. Doug

    Busier than a one armed clown making balloon animals at a kids party.

    Reply
  79. KeRnZee

    Happier than a blind dog in a meat house.

    Reply
  80. KeRnZee

    Tougher than titties on a turtle

    Reply
  81. Apricot

    He was so fat he had a circumference of 2 πr.

    He was such a slow talker he had to go on a dentist’s appointment before he could finish saying his name.

    He oversimplified his idea so much it beat the oversimplification it took to get from a real truck to Elon’s Tesla Cyber Truck.

    Reply
  82. A.F.P

    Grandpa’s mind had always been like a steel trap, even in his later years, but it had been out so long it had rusted shut.

    Reply
  83. John Wolf

    Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

    Reply
  84. Ken

    If I had two tails I’d wag them both because this cheered me up like a kid in an ice cream freezer and boosted my shares in kleenex

    Reply
  85. Jim My

    After the car hit it, the deer’s intestines accordianed across the road like so many wet socks in a dryer but not dry yet.

    Reply
  86. Jim My

    The rain hit her in the face, not unlike having a drink thrown in her face, except for the ice cubes.

    Reply
  87. Jim My

    His eyes were big and round like the moon, but smaller because the moon is actually big but far away.

    Reply
  88. Allan Muir

    She’d clearly had work done. Her lips looked like they could do with more real estate than her face was able to provide, and her breasts were firmer than the handshake of a Texan farmer meeting his son’s gay lover for the first time.

    Reply

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